February  23, 2005 CLICK HERE FOR GUJRATI VERSION !

Beard-shaving Disease Hits Community Men, Epidemic Immorality Feared Dr. Khoja Dawaii, BA, BS, MBBS, MD, PhD, MBA, DBA, IRA, IRS, MIT, FIT, FIB, FBI, CIA, KGB, KJ, PJ, an internationally renowned research scientist, warned today of an epidemic outbreak of  Beardus Interruptus, a particularly debilitating strain of the E. Khoji Bacterium.  This dangerous disease causes men to start shaving their beards.  What follows next is fairly obvious:  they lose that one last defense between their decent, moral selves and begin leading lives of immorality.  It is well known that if a man does not have a beard, none of his efforts in the name of religion, such as prayers or alms giving, is accepted.  What a true Khoja momin should look like. This disease has already spread to the good, upright, moral, religious, bearded Khoja communities of Karachi, Bombay, London, Houston, Toronto,   Dar-es-Salaam, Kinshasa,  and Mombasa.  Men are strongly urged to spare no expense in gurading against this nightmarish affliction.  Would you buy a used car from these beardless  Khojas?

KHOJAK:  Khoja Crime-fighter extraordinaire renounces lollipops Khojak, the brave Khoja crimefighter, announced today that he will no longer be seen with his trademark lollipops since they were declared haraam  due to the morally repugnant maneuvers one has to undertake to consume them.  Famous White House intern becomes a Khoja, changes name to Bill-kiss Cigarwala.   KNN Programming Schedule Today on KNN  Today on KNN International    Southpaws branded kafirs Left-handed persons were declared kafirs by the Holy Khoja Council.  A spokesperson for the Council stated that the decision was long overdue.  "Left-handed people eat with their left hands.  If they hold their loataas with their left hands, guess what their right hands are doing?  They then shake hands with true momins like us.  Disgusting!  Their blood is lawful."  Man wearing obscene clothes arrested in Karachi A Khoja man wearing a shirt and trousers was arrested in a place of worship in Karachi.  The Moral Police made the following statement after his arrest:  "Everyone knows that the only truly morally correct attire for men is the shalwar kameez. The pajama, I mean shalwar, should be pulled up way above the shins.   For this person to have so blatantly flouted the dress code is an affront to our sense of propriety.  Disgusting!  His blood is lawful."

Qabilto, baby!  George Michael to sing his hits  "I Want Your  Sex" and "Fastlove" at a benefit to raise awareness of muttah    ...and speaking of muttah:  Cindy  Crawford ..and Kamal Sidhu ..and MTV India's VJ Shenaz.       Too many Khojas!  Beam me up, Scotty!

T O P   S T O R I E S PAKISTAN  Non-aggression pact signed between Indian, Pakistani, and African Khojas  Khoja  hijras declared kaafirs because they shave their beards K N N f n  Sue karo cho:  get your fair share of alimony  Khums: advice on deductible expenses by Arthur Andersen.  B O O K S  A Brief History of Khojas  The Khoja's Firm  The Khoja's Briefs  The Khoja's Chamber Midnight's Khojas The Satanic Khojas (banned) Confessions of a Mutta-holic  S H O W B I Z Our answer to the pop diva: Khojadonna!  How to Marry a Millionaire remains #1 Khoja movie Choalee na peechay soo chay? W E A T H E R  El Niño:  is it an anti-Khoja conspiracy? V I D E O   V A U L T No poking! Karachi bus-riders' manners V I E W S  Confessions:  "I killed the squirrel and ate his nuts." Geebat sucks but taumat swallows!  3-D   G L O B E  Jhingoor na dar:  Would Khojas and roaches survive a nuclear war?  T R A V E L Top ten Khoja holiday destinations (to avoid)  Chain nathee milaich.  Getting away:  Pismo Beach:  are there Khojas there, too? Muttah:  what to do when you are away from your wife   F R I N G E    A Khoja and his gerbil Another Khoja and her cigars    NAME  that  KHOJA  About whom are the following quotes?  Click here for answers.  "She's kinda ditsy, she's a bit spoiled, and she's too much into her own looks." "He's a serial breaker of promises."   W O R L D  Baoo vaat karay chay:  Worldwide Khoja gossip  reportedly on rise  Khojastan:  pipe-dream or inevitability? K N N Sports Khoja Croquet:  not just for the rich and famous Photos from the recent Khoja Coed Naked Lacrosse Championships -- rough, tough, and in the buff. S C I - T E C H  C O M M U N I C A T I ON   Soo joee chay?  What do Khoja women prefer:  Siemen, Nokia, Ericsson, or Motorola?  S P A C E  Contest for first Khoja in space -- now gossip will truly know no boundaries 40TH ANNUAL GRAMMY AWARDS  Leonardo Di Caprio:   is he really a Khoja in denial? Vanilla Ice sings "Hoat, Hoat Koaffee" to screaming Khoja fans Kinks re-do their classic "L-O-L-A Lola"; new version called "K-H-O-J-A Khoja" Khojas who love Celine Dion and the men who hate her H E A L T H  Tumay kaim cho? E A R T H Khoja contribution to world pollution tallied S P E C I A L S  Kho-ja:  does it really mean "get lost"?  Khidmatwalee or ultra-mod Burger-chick:  who is better? Hot or cute:  a matter of taste You say "koaffee", I say "coffee" Naam-kharaab:  is it an inevitability of desegregation?   Q U O T E S Which Khojas said the following? Click here for answers.   I would  rather  weep in a Rolls-Royce than be happy on a bicycle.  'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash is always Mr. Right.  Greed...is good  I heard a rumor True happiness can be found in only one thing: shopping. I'm riding the alimony pony.  Heheheheheheh.  I say no romance without finance.  I'm looking for a man who's got some money in his pants  What have you done for me lately?  Look at the size of that thing!  How much money do you make? What does your father do? F E E D B A C K  Tell me what you think! Do I make you h****? J O B S  Khoja Webwallas ($100/hr) Khoja Gossipwallas (Sorry, we can offer only $1/hr -- there seems to be an oversupply)

Comments about this page  (KNN's responses are in red.)

First, those who were not too amused....
 

Offensive...filthy and unislamic..Hedonistic and defamatory...[home ground of] ...Shaitan  (SJ) Utterly disgusting... Trashy, sleezy...!  (ZC) Make all the jokes one want(s)  to make..but come the Day of Reckoning... no one can escape... (N) If you think this is bad, you should see the porn site that I run.   (KNN)    i know ur kindaa foools, who hve studied in some american school and think that they hve bought the whole world (Mohd Raj*) And they even taught me how to spell.  (KNN)   u dont deserve to be a khoja!!!!!!!!! (Mohd Raj*)  Flattery will get you everywhere.  (KNN)   We have enough to deal with from the rest of the sects and dont need your stupidity to make it worse...... (Zuhair Walji) I thought too much "sects" made you blind, not stupid. (KNN)   You prick.  (Zuhair Walji) You lick?  (KNN) Your website...makes me sick.  (N) Yeah,  but does it make you horny?  (KNN)   Is this a joke or something???????? Are they kidding? Is it sarcastic?  Please tell me its not true.. (NG)  Don't misunderestimate me.  (George W. Bush) (*NOT Mohammed Rajpar)

And next,  those who are NOT calling for a price on my head...
 

Man you had us in fits.  Where do you come up with all this stuff?  You are too good.  hahahah.   Loved it.  Honestly great.  (M. Gokal, Karachi) Very impressive. (A. M. Habib, Karachi) Keep it up.  (Various Khojas) I'll take some Viagra.  (KNN) I wonder why everyone is suggesting you to keep it up? Is it a khoja-envy thing? Enjoyed going through your web site- keep it up! (K. Thariani, Omaha) With  this kind of  pressure, I'll need a life-long prescription.  (KNN) You're begining to worry me...you've got one crazy home page...love it!  I expect  nothing less...out of you.  (F. Merchant the Studmuffin, Louisville) Awesome man!!  we really need some khojas like you to boost our image.....your site is definitely the best khoja site I have seen.  (H. A. Habib, Karachi) Well done, baitaa.  This should be required viewing for all Khojas.  (H. Currimbhoy, Karachi) I won't let you down,  phuppee jaan.  (KNN) Muy excellente!!  (A. Rafiq, Cambridge, England) Grrrooovy! (H. KhanMohammed, London) After looking at/scanning/ visiting/ whatever your web site, was even more pleased to see that you can combine some serious Islamic spirituality with smart-assed-ness and a sense of humor about life. (SSB, Istanbul(?)) Gosh...you sure are humorous.  Keep it up. (SSB 2, Dubai) Fabulous...just keep on.  (S. Karamali, Englewood) I really enjoyed your web page and KNN. It is quite funny and innovative.  (M. H. Habib, Zurich) Hey dude, cool site, keep up the good work.   At least we can say Khoja's are good for something!!!!!! (Mahdisadia) You have a cool web site I must say !!!!!!   (M. C. Lacocque, New York) Well done...Anything on fatwas?  (R. M. Nasser, Hong Kong) Only the Khoja fatwa declaring the viewing of this page to be haraam.  (KNN) Truly impressive.  (B. Rashid, New York) Your stuff is really great!   (M. M. Mahmood, Singapore) That's what all the girls say.  (KNN) Please continue to keep us Khojas informed through the KNN....The only complaint is that you should update your news... more often! Your website makes me h***y, (that is 'happy'). Always gets me laughing! Keep it UP!!!!!!!!! (A. M. Habib,  Karachi) You've really outdone yourself this time!  (K. Anwar, Toronto/Karachi) I......almost fell off my chair...some of your comebacks to the comments received are hilarious.  I'm glad to see the....irreverance [a]live and well.  (F. I. Alimohamed, New York) Smooth baby (Faisal Chughtai,Phoenix) Wow.  Pretty cool...dude!!!!! khojas are the best aren't they? we don't even mind makin fun of ourselves.  (MD, Austin(?)) Bou Sarrou Chaye , Keep it up buddy  -- [a] lot of humor if khoja[s] can understand (HD, Toronto?) Extremely funny. A very different insight into Khoja-ness. Loved it. Thumbs up from Down Under!  (A. Jumani/Thunda from Down Unda, Sydney) Just been through your website: u da man! pretty funny... i do appreciate good humour... u ought to update it more often (Bilo, Dubai)  Your page totally cracked me up.  It is the only site where I've laughed out loud.  You're hilarious!!!  (H. H.  Habib, London) Your site has us all smirking.  [A] true mirror of khoja values and contradictions.  [W]e want more! (M. Rawji, London) Where the hell did you ppl get your ideas? Do you ppl think this stuff is funny??  to some ppl this would be an insult to what they believe........but you had me in  stitches!!! That's some funny s**t guys!  Keep it up.  (A. Sharif, Sydney)

And to all those who have written or personally asked me to update the page more frequently, I shall try to do my best.

Salaams, duas, hugs, and kisses -- KNN.

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