| Real Life | Two-year investment banking analyst experience |
| Awild weekend in Amsterdam | A client meeting in Newark |
| Meeting Elvis in a Detroit shopping mall | Seeing an MD in the office after 7 PM |
| Marching side by side with students in Tiananmen Square | Expensing a
$300 dinner from Per Se |
| Pick up lines | Pitch books |
| Surfing naked in Hawaii | Changing into casual clothes at 5:01 PM |
| 15 to Life | Two years |
| Screaming rock and roll fans chanting your name in unison | A firm handshake froma VP for numbers "well-crunched." |
| Sex with twins | Production gets it right the first time |
| Selling "Bush-Cheney 2004"
posters in Northwest Pakistan |
Telling your project manager you're going on vacation |
| Being George Bush's guest at Camp
Gitmo, Cuba |
Waiting in production to turn out a document |
| Dog Year; 1 actual year = 7 dog
years (as in "Rusty is 114 years old.") |
Analyst Hours; 1 Analyst Hour = 7
actual hours (as in "This shouldn't take more than 2 or 3 hours.") |
| Your significant other dumps you | You break your wrist |
| S&M | M&A |
| Riding the subway at rush hour when you realize you're stark naked | Sitting in a client meeting when you are asked by an MD to explain your numbers |
| Orgy scene from Caligula | Eating cold pizza on a weekend |
| Contracting a terminal disease | Becoming a 3rd year analyst |
| Full frontal lobotomy | 7 AM Monday morning meeting with the team |
| After two years of dating: "I like you....as a friend." |
After two all-nighters: "This is good...for a first draft." |
| Pissing in an electric fan | Walking by a managing director's office at 4:59 PM on a Friday just to see what's going on |
| Ebineezer Scrooge makes Bob Cratchet work all day on X-mas | Just another day on the 28th floor |
| Neighborhood bully | Third year analyst |
| Saddam
Hussein hiding in the spider-hole, trying to save his ass |
You hiding
in the men's room stall, trying to take a nap |
| Drill Sergeant | Project manager |
| Spending the night doing a model | Spending the night doing a model |
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